First Aired: May 21, 2006
Plot: Peter and Lois try to teach Stewie how to swim. After meeting the star pupil of the swimming class, Brad, Stewie finds he can not stand the other child. Attempting to beat him in a race, Stewie ends up barely leaving the starting line.
He attempts to kill Brad by luring him with a piece of marzipan to the lifeguard tower (which has dynamite strapped to the legs). Due to a delay of the detonation mechanism of the TNT, Brad is able to finish the marzipan and escape. Stewie investigates what went wrong when the dynamite explodes, bringing the lifeguard tower down on Stewie. He wakes in Hell, sitting on a bed in a hotel room with a “Welcome to Hell” sign above it. Stewie mentions “It’s not bad” before Steve Allen walks in, takes his shirt off and says “All right, let’s do this.” (Refer to Cultural References below.) Stewie screams and comes back to life, waking up back at the pool.
Stewie is able to climb out of the collapsed tower and starts acting like a douchebag to prevent himself from going to Hell. He begins treating Brian nice until Brian brings a perfectly destroyed spider-web (one that Stewie admired) and said he ate the spider, which results in Stewie calling him “a bastard” and whacking him with a rolled-up newspaper. Brian then says that Stewie should try to find something to make him kind and nice like Brian who drinks alcoholic drinks like a martini. This leads Stewie to wanting a drink, though Brian does not oblige him. Once Brian has left, Stewie takes a glass. This leads to him becoming extremely inebriated. As Stewie refuses to stop drinking, Brian decides to make Stewie so drunk he’ll never want to touch alcohol again. After five martinis at the Drunken Clam, both are extremely drunk. Stewie attempts to drive them home and ends up crashing into the Drunken Clam. The next day, Stewie ends up with a hangover. Brian’s plan has worked.
At the video store Peter starts ranting on how the new video store will not sell pornography. At the same time Tom Tucker from Channel 5 News is there and wants to give Peter his own segment called “You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?” The segment instantly becomes popular, causing Tom to become jealous of Peter’s fame. The next day he attempts to sabotage Peter’s segment, leading to the network head’s firing of Tom. After a short period, Tom Tucker learns of Stewie’s drinking and driving the car into the Drunken Clam. Peter’s lack of parenting skills lead to his being fired and Tom Tucker being rehired.