First Aired: May 6, 2007
Plot: As Chris studies at the breakfast table for an upcoming exam, Brian notices that Chris’s history textbook is hopelessly out of date. Upset by this, Lois goes to a PTA meeting to complain. Principal Shepherd explains that the school cannot afford new textbooks; as a result of the No Child Left Behind Act, the school has lost its federal funding due to low test scores. His solution for raising the school’s performance average is to expel the dumbest student, who happens to be Chris.
While talking about Chris' situation with Lois, Peter is suddenly confronted by the Giant Chicken. This is the third Chicken Fight between the two. Their epic battle ranges from the Griffin house, through the sewers, onto a subway train, over the girders of a high-rise construction site, and then up into a biplane, crashing into a giant Ferris wheel, which is dislodged from its platform and rolls through the streets. The fight continues atop the rolling wheel until it demolishes a ten-story apartment building. Emerging from the wreckage, Peter and the Chicken realize that neither has any idea what they are fighting about. They apologize to each other, and the Chicken invites Peter to join him and his wife, Nicole, for dinner. At the restaurant, the three have just finished a lovely meal when the check arrives, and both Peter and the Chicken (named Ernie, we discover) insist on paying the tab. As they face off, the fight resumes and leads them into the restaurant kitchen. Peter subdues Ernie with a pot of boiling water and beats him unconscious. Peter staggers home, and back in the kitchen, Ernie lies lifeless on the floor, but in a sudden close-up, we see Ernie's left eye open as dramatic music plays. Peter goes home and resumes his conversation with Lois.
After several failed attempts to find another school for Chris, Lois asks her father, Carter, to use his influence to get Chris admitted to the upper-class Morningwood Academy. Carter agrees, on the condition that Peter humiliate himself by starring in a shot-by-shot remake of Liar Liar.
Chris is shunned by the wealthy, privileged students at the academy, so Carter invites him to become a member of Skull and Bones. The Griffins, meanwhile, have all taken extra jobs to pay for Chris’ tuition; Peter is selling “butt scratchers” at the ballpark, Lois and Meg are working as prostitutes, and Stewie is following fat people while playing comical music on a tuba.
Feeling bad about the sacrifices his family is making, Chris asks Carter to help him get back into his old school. Later, Chris happily moves back home.