First Aired: February 14, 2002
Plot: Brian and Stewie introduce the show, consisting of three short stories in response to requests they have received from viewers.
No Bones About It
Peter finds a genie who offers him three wishes. His first wish is to see what Kelly Ripa is like off-camera (she is a horrible alien who eats living men’s still-beating hearts), and his second wish is for his own theme music, which plays everywhere he goes. On a city bus, Bill Goldberg grows irritated with Peter’s music and threatens to break every bone in his body. Peter quickly wishes that he was boneless and collapses into a fleshy heap. When townspeople react with revulsion and horror towards him, he moves to Hollywood to become a stuntman’s human airbag. A Hollywood starlet is impressed with Peter's ability and offers to date him, but Peter misses his family, though. When a doctor offers him an experimental surgery to restore his skeleton, he takes the chance. The operation is successful, but he is horribly misshapen; he learns that his family donated bones to transplant into his body, which misshaped them as well and they all painfully amble away together, with Peter mentioning that the operation was covered by his HMO.
After being exposed to toxic waste, the Griffins find they now have superhuman powers. Stewie’s head grows even larger and he gains telekinetic abilities; Chris is able to start fires by thought; Peter can change himself into any person or object; Lois becomes super-strong; Brian can move at incredible speed, traveling around the world nearly instantaneously; and Meg gains the “super-amazing” ability to make her fingernails grow or shrink on command. Despite initial intentions to use their powers for good, they soon terrorize Quahog for personal gain. After Lois refuses to buy Stewie a candy bar, he steals it and attacks the cashier at a supermarket using his power. Later, Lois is caught in traffic, and decides to lift the car across traffic, crushing various cars as well as injuring the people in them. Meg begs Peter to get a piece of Justin Timberlake's hair when he comes to Quahog. He turns into Britney Spears, takes to much of his hair, and turns into Gene Shalit when they kiss in order to freak him out. Chris is angry at a boy who called him Chris Grissle, and sets him on fire because of it, which the fire then spreads to burn down the high school. Brian uses his speed to steal Martini's from an attractive woman at a bar, when he stops he is extremely intoxicated and collapses. Later, the people of Quahog are realizing the chaos the Supergriffins are causing, and the Griffins take over the town. Mayor Adam West douses himself in toxic waste, hoping for powers with which to combat the Griffins, but develops lymphoma instead. With Mayor West in the hospital the Griffins see the error of their ways and dedicate themselves to good and helping West recover.
In a parody of The Little Rascals, as well as younger versions of famous cartoon charcters such as The Flintstone Kids and Muppet Babies, five-year-old Peter, Brian, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, and Mayor West revel in their “We Hate Broads Club.” When young Lois Pewterschmidt joins their school, however, Peter and Quagmire are love-stricken. Attempting to impress Lois, both boys promise to spend the night in a spooky abandoned house to prove their courage. Wacky hijinks ensue as each group tries to scare the other; when they see an apparently “real” ghost, they all flee in terror. Lois says that she is no longer impressed by bravery, however, and introduces Mort Goldman, whose intelligence she likes. Peter and Quagmire swear off girls forever in disgust; thirty-five years later they are still womanless but, without the distraction of women, they have become incredibly wealthy (and are having sex with buttered bagels).
This episode is not considered to be in canon with the rest of the series, and is more akin to the various cutaways during a normal episode. Quagmire is not friends with Peter until he joins the Navy, and Lois and Quagmire met where they both worked as towel boys at a country club, which Lois was a member and that is how she first noticed Peter. Peter did not meet Joe until the Swanson family moved into the same neighborhood as the Griffin family, the Brown family, and Glen Quagmire.