First Aired: July 10, 2005
Plot: When Peter goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms, he realizes he has forgotten his wallet. Mort Goldman, the pharmacist, offers to open a tab for him; Peter quickly begins spending unnecessarily. (He buys eight cases of syrup of ipecac so he can hold a vomiting contest with Brian, Chris and Stewie; however, it was a complete failure, although Chris technically wins). Soon Mort calls in Peter’s debt of $34,000. In desperation, Peter seizes upon a picture of Mort’s son Neil, who is infatuated with Meg. Peter offers to sell Meg to the Goldmans to settle the bill, offering a contract; Mort agrees, but everyone is shocked to discover that Neil has started dating another girl. Meg becomes unexpectedly jealous and hunts desperately for a boyfriend to make Neil jealous; she ends up settling for Jake Tucker, who only wants her to buy him things. She finally tells Neil that she wants to be his girlfriend and signs the original contract to prove her sincerity; the Goldmans quickly put her to work as a slave plowing a field in their front yard. Brian finds a clause in the contract stating that it is null and void if Neil cheats on Meg, so Peter convinces Lois to dress as Mystique and seduce him at a fake X-Men convention. Neil tells Meg that he only wants her to be with him if she wants to be with him, tears up the contract, and quickly reconciles with his previous girlfriend. Meg’s relief quickly gives way to renewed jealousy.
Meanwhile, after Meg had complained that she was tired of babysitting Stewie while their parents went out, Lois interviews candidates for a new babysitter, including a couple of Portuguese fishermen (Santos and Pasqual, the two men Peter hired to help him fish), and a Gloop (from The Herculoids). Stewie instantly falls in love with Liddane, an attractive young applicant. Liddane already has a boyfriend, however, and in a jealous rage, Stewie clubs him with a tire iron and locks him in the trunk of Brian’s car. When Liddane rejects Stewie’s advances, he drugs her and tells Lois that she invited friends over and that they were “smoking merry-jee-wanna and hero-ween! And they were all taking eczema and touching each other!” Lois fires Liddane, who departs tearfully after giving Stewie a mixtape. Stewie regrets his actions and pursues her, but she has disappeared. Weeks later, Stewie realizes that he forgot to release her boyfriend.